Ever since I saw the wonderful outpouring of support for my previous heart-to-heart blog entry, I realise that hey, I have indeed more than the 5 readers I originally suspected haha. (no, but I'm serious.) There's so much of my life I want to share with you, it's way different from the lifestyle of the regular Singapore office-girl, along with the mental tribulations I go through. If you've ever been curious about what happens after one takes the advice of those popular Pinterest slogans like the one pictured below, then you'll be interested in my heart-to-heart entries.
Today, let's focus on one nagging horrible flaw I have, which I've never publicly admitted.
I find it difficult to be truly happy for others.
There, I've said it.
Okay wait, I AM truly happy when my friends get married and start families etc, and I honestly want my friends to be happy and would gladly do things to get them there.
What I'm referring to are people in my trade. Which is the tiny circle of miniature food crafters. Not a lot of them in the world, as you can imagine. Definitely not as many as the circle of doctors, lawyers, or any other regular profession.
I'll let you in on a secret, I've been consciously steering clear of the other food miniaturists' blogs. Well I used to surf them back in the days I just started AiClay. But I noticed that this growing sense of bitterness would just swell in my heart, and I'll feel so discouraged that they've managed to perfect some food I couldn't, or they've achieved some success like have massive good sales or be invited to some overseas exhibition etc.
So I stopped going to these blogs, just so these terrible feelings would quit surfacing.
I've tried to be open and positive, and I'll head into someone's website consciously repeating to myself like a mantra, "Wow, that's amazing texture. Now I have to improve on my techniques to perfect my food miniatures. Ooh, her weekend sales rocketed? That's wonderful, hopefully I'll be able to achieve that too if I keep working hard at my craft."
Apparently you can't MAKE yourself feel positive, because I felt the same afterwards even with the consistent pep-talk. Just a tad more silly.
I have a suspicion that it's my insecurities acting up, and I am slightly better with handling other people's success now. I attribute that to AiClay having gained a small, okay tiny level of success too, which is why it's a lot easier for me to accept that others are successful too. But I wish it didn't have to be like this. I do want to be happy for others EVEN if my own sales was down or if I lost subscribers/readers.
Now every time the green-eyed monster rears its butt-ugly head, I'll bury those negative emotions and simply refocus on something else at hand. But who's to know if all that negativity would just snowball and unleash itself with a fury one day.
I'll like to know if you struggle with these emotions as well, and how do you deal with them?
If you're a food miniaturist as well, please don't think too badly of me and hopefully you'll consider it flattery that I'm so jealous of your successes haha.